he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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