Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
