Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
3 2 1 whiskey
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
