She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
