well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
