If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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