Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
