I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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