I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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