i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
