im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
worst night to have a conscience
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
