Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
