What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
