In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
even my farts smell like vagina
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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