i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
