I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
