I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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