he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i think i just lost a toe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
