i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
