I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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