Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The Olympian is in my bed
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