Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
