We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
