i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
