Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
