youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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