I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
