Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
