I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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