I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
