I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
