i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
