my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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