i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
