I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
