dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
