I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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