hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
