I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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