Kiss
Puke
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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