I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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