OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
