I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this hospital has no fireball
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
