how can u be prego again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
