Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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