I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
