i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
