wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
