How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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