I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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